Of Blood, Water, And Nescafe

Luckily for you...I'm here to rant:

1) I can't concentrate. No...I'm not kidding. I really can't. I fell sick about a week back, and ever since then, I think a part of my brain overheated, and I just can't seem to think straight. I can't even see or hear straight. I can't focus my eyesight properly, and sounds seem so far away that I can barely hear them. And I can't concentrate. I don't know why...

2) I have a midterm and lab test this Thursday. See point 1) for further information as to why this is bad thing.

3) The voices are louder, stronger, and out of my control. Wheeee...

4) Some personal stuff as well...Which I'm sick of talking about.

5) Shop was out of Nescafe. This should be made a federal offence.

Happy Birthday!

Happy birthday to me,
Happy birthday to me,
Happy birthday dear Luddite,
Happy birthday to me,

Yippe...I'm 20 years old!

I'm gonna regret this when I'm 40...*rolls eyes*

-Da Lude

14-77

Dear Fourteen Seventy-Seven,
I just came after screwing up a quiz 5 minutes ago. It seems your hand is everywhere. You have an uncanny knack of messing things up for me. There is more that I would like to say, but I have yet another class to go to. The semester is ending and I have learnt a lot, and I have learnt nothing.

There is only light when something burns.

What a consolation.

Warm regards,
The ElectronicLuddite

HIGH/low/bAnD

Dunno why the hell I decided to become a computer engineer. Thought it would be a fun idea...now its turning out to be real fun...

We're studying filters right now in circuit analysis, and running a couple of pspice simulations. And of course I SUCK at electronics (I can answer the questions right somehow, but I don't understand crap about the theory). Trying to make a UWB pulse generator, and its becoming really screwed up. The assignment is due in today by 5, and although I've 'finished' it, it really seems like the whole thing is wrong. I can't understand ANYTHING about it. Freakin' hell, how are you supposed to do something big, huge, ugly project-like thing (which is what our lecturer wants), in something you don't have a damn clue about. Blaaaaaaaah.

Bandpass watermelons licking floor off generators fused inside coils of sky.

May they rest in frequency.

Ciek

I think I'm getting sick. Bleah. I hate getting sick. I just recovered from a bad fever like a few weeks ago...now again?? Noooooo *whine*. Hopefully it won't be too bad.
My immune system is so awful, I wonder how the hell I'm still alive. If I get AIDS, I'll be dead in a few hours. Well, at least I wont have to suffer a great deal. I probably have 1 T cell in my whole body anyways.

They say sensitive people get sick quick. Maybe I am O.o haha.

Perhaps I should become a musician and make a lot of money, and then die quick so that I'll be famous.

Alternatively, perhaps I should study for my midterm exam tonight...

-The Electronic Luddite.

dot.exe

I have a midterm tomorrow and I don't wanna work!!! AAAAAAHHHHHH

I've had enough. I want midterm holidays to come around quick. Its not just the studying that gets to me. I don't mind working...I love studying. Its just that you have to spend so much time doing it that you miss having time around for family and friends. Despite the fact that my sister and I studying in the same uni, in the same DEPARTMENT, I saw her on friday after 2 whole weeks! And then people are always pestering me that I don't spend enough time with them etc etc. How can I??? Its not that I don't want to, I just can't...
I can already see my future: mum and dad will keep complaining that I don't call (well mum already does), neglected wife and kids, friends who won't even come to my funeral (that is IF any of them find out I'm dead lol).

The worst thing about it, is that people think I want this. Well, I do...but not because I hate them, or don't want to spend time with them. I just want to be the best at what I'm doing. Then they keep asking...why?
Ask any footballer or athlete what his or her aim is: to be the best. Why? No one asks them that. Because that's their dream. To stand on the top of the world. Be #1. Not because it pays a lot - hell, being an X-gamer pays close to nothing - its just...to be the best. Finished, fullstop. There's nothing else to it. So it is with me. Its just a hunger, a desire, a want.

And yea, it demands a lot of sacrifice. I get that, and so do people, but they always think I'm doing it cause I prefer my work to them. NO! I don't. If only they knew how lonely I feel in those quiet hours in the night when they are asleep, and I can still see their faces at the back of my mind. If only they knew how much I miss being around them. There's a little bit of me that's thinking about them all the time.

They don't get THAT. They just don't get it.

Mum, dad, my sisters, my friends...I love and miss you guys loads.

-ElectronicLuddite

Slash

Depressing news haha...

I've decided to write my research essay on the Open Source Licence. I feel it should be made industry standard, as FOS systems are more reliable, offer programming flexibility and customization, and save time and cost in testing.
But of course I don't really feel that.
Well, it would be a good idea, but I don't really care. I just need a goddamn research essay.

Things being going slow apart from that. Work isn't getting done (I'm supposed to be working right now), and I've got shit loads of assignments to complete. Weekends are so depressing sometimes. Just me and my room. And questions staring at me.

Sometimes I get angry and I don't wanna talk about stuff. And people notice that. And they keep asking what's wrong. I tell them I'm tired. Then they're like 'Oh, ok. You should rest. You shouldn't work too much, blah blah'. They never ask what I'm tired of.
I'm tired of this life. Not life. THIS life. There's nothing in it. No meaning in it. Living week to week, quiz to quiz, dropping in and out of subjects. Weeks can fly by without any memory of them, because they all look alike. Weekends HAVE no memory...nothing significant to distinguish them. A day is a few seconds. A year was barely 2 months.

And according to the wise words of Slipknot,

People = Shit.

They've been a real let down.