Tired
Oh I'm so goddamn tired...
One more day left to my final, and my prep seems no where. I wish I could get an A for this subject, but apparently my continuous assessment marks aren't so great, and it's HIGHLY likely that I won't get one. I hate the subject.
Yet somehow, I feel I can relate to flip-flops and state machines. I think I know how they feel when clock signals go through them at a million million cycles a second and they decide whether to switch states or loop indefinitely in one condition. Actually people are a lot like state machines. We too are forced to respond to our environments, often in pre-determined ways...slaves not only to our pre-natal genetic programming, but also to our personality and worldview. We're likely to keep responding a certain way and not change, even for the better!
Its just our clock cycles are a whole lot less frequent.
One year has passed, and I feel like I did when I first joined uni. I think the worst thing about having a small tight group of friends in school is that you never really get the same feeling of kinship anywhere else. I'm a foreigner in the country I've lived in for so long. I don't speak the language, I can't relate to the people. My temperament, attitude, up-bringing, everything, has been so different from the rest of the people who surround me. Actually who have always surrounded me. I've never found any common ground with anyone in terms of almost anything.
Maybe that's not really their fault after all. When I'm with someone I wanna be alone, when I'm alone I wanna be with someone. Understandably I feel discontent a lot when I really shouldn't be. I don't know WHAT to feel. Sometimes I think I'm still looking for myself. Sometimes I think I'm looking for someone else. Sometimes I just get tired of looking 'cause I keep looking and I never find anything.
I feel like an S-R Latch with a 1-1 input.
God bless the FF's.
One more day left to my final, and my prep seems no where. I wish I could get an A for this subject, but apparently my continuous assessment marks aren't so great, and it's HIGHLY likely that I won't get one. I hate the subject.
Yet somehow, I feel I can relate to flip-flops and state machines. I think I know how they feel when clock signals go through them at a million million cycles a second and they decide whether to switch states or loop indefinitely in one condition. Actually people are a lot like state machines. We too are forced to respond to our environments, often in pre-determined ways...slaves not only to our pre-natal genetic programming, but also to our personality and worldview. We're likely to keep responding a certain way and not change, even for the better!
Its just our clock cycles are a whole lot less frequent.
One year has passed, and I feel like I did when I first joined uni. I think the worst thing about having a small tight group of friends in school is that you never really get the same feeling of kinship anywhere else. I'm a foreigner in the country I've lived in for so long. I don't speak the language, I can't relate to the people. My temperament, attitude, up-bringing, everything, has been so different from the rest of the people who surround me. Actually who have always surrounded me. I've never found any common ground with anyone in terms of almost anything.
Maybe that's not really their fault after all. When I'm with someone I wanna be alone, when I'm alone I wanna be with someone. Understandably I feel discontent a lot when I really shouldn't be. I don't know WHAT to feel. Sometimes I think I'm still looking for myself. Sometimes I think I'm looking for someone else. Sometimes I just get tired of looking 'cause I keep looking and I never find anything.
I feel like an S-R Latch with a 1-1 input.
God bless the FF's.
posted by The Electronic Luddite | 6:39 AM
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