Wee...

Mmmm...I don't like feeling depressed. It makes me really moody.

I've always been sort of a high achiever in studies. I've become used to doing well in academics. And sometimes when I don't feel that great, I become really stupid and careless in them, and I feel generally disinclined to working. And of course if that mood keeps up, in about a week or two, I lose touch of my studies, and feel even stupider, get more depressed and the problem compounds itself. Then most people see me walking about like a dead zombie brooding on ridiculous things which are not worth brooding over.

I would put it down to not being understood. As usual. A lot of people seem to have this problem. A general lack of understanding in the world. Who said man was an intelligent creature? He can't even understand his own species.

I want this sem to end. I want this stupid feeling to end. That I'm worth nothing. Nothing. I hate feeling worthless. I've always wanted to leave my mark on the world. Something that people will remember me by. Preferably something big. A new technology maybe. Or something in science. Actually, I've always wanted to be a physicist or mathematician. But I got stuck in engineering. Which I don't really loathe...I can relate to it somewhat, but I don't really WANT to do it. I want to answer the bigger questions of the universe. See what others haven't seen. Lift the veil and see what's hidden behind it. Even now, I still read books and books on science whenever I get the chance. Of course it isn't really heavy reading with tonnes of equations and all - its mostly theoretical - but I still love it to bits. I'm addicted to it.

And I don't like feeling depressed.